My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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