go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
