im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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