How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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