In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
