trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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