The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
