i barfeds in our rink
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
