Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
