Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(409): View more from Texas

Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,

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(704): View more from North Carolina

happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash

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(561): View more from Florida

hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?

(407): View more from Florida

i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?

(940): View more from Texas

homeless.

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(509): View more from Washington

I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.

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(314): View more from Missouri

the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.

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(443): View more from Maryland

My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.

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(520): View more from Arizona

You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.

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(208): View more from Idaho

I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?

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