just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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