Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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