Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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