found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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