i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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