you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
