lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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