Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
