And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
