Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
