It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i love accidental penises.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
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