an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
