Well apparently he's into motor boating.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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