Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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