it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
