I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
