OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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