We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
