I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
false alarm, still single
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
