'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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