even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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