Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
