It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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