That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
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I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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