I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
