She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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