after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
