yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
