she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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