You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
