Already got asked if we're dating
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
