hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
