So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
