You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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