it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
