They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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