another moral hangover. fuck.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
