Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
