I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
