I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
