this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
