my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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