I CAN MOONWALK!
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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