I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
