to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
