I just made out with a guy for $7.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
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The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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