Porn is love you can see.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I fill condoms, not promises.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize