I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
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Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
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But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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