Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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