Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
