she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
