Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
