you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
