The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You took a bar mat shot.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
