my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
