ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
