4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
