Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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